Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Tale of Two Cities: Five

I know I've taken a LONG break from A Tale of Two Cities, but I wanted to FINALLY pick it back up.  If you haven't gotten to read part one, two, three or four, you can click the links or if you don't remember because it's been SO long!

I quickly brushed my teeth and jumped into bed hoping to get at least a little sleep before work that morning.  But who was I joking?  There was no way that I was going to fall asleep quickly.  I laid there thinking about the evening and about James.

How had we ended up talking in the first place?  Did he initiate the conversation? Did it just happen?  What was really going on in my head and heart? And why couldn't I stop smiling?

I tried to talk myself out of whatever had just happened and my unsure feelings in an effort to calm down.

It was probably just a fluke that we ended up staying out there so late.  I bet he usually stays up until 3.  I just ended up being the one he talked with.  It probably won't ever happen again anyway.  He's from Kentucky for goodness sake. It's not like we could make anything work.  Wait. Why am I thinking about making something work when there isn't really "something" there? Please fall asleep, please fall asleep, please fall asleep.

After a few minutes of not getting anywhere, I climbed out of the bed, turned on the bathroom light so I wouldn't wake my roommate, got out my journal and poured my unsure heart out to the Lord.  I had so many questions and it seemed my head and my heart were playing tug-o-war. I knew that even if I didn't know what I was feeling and thinking, God would understand.

As I sat there I thought back over the summer and all that God had done in my life and the lives of so many others.  I thanked God for what He had accomplished and asked Him to give me wisdom for whatever was ahead.  When I was finally finished, I crawled back into bed with a sense of peace.  I didn't have to know exactly what was going to happen or how I felt about it, the Lord already knew all those things.  

From that night on, long talks by the pool became the norm.   I showed up every night despite my exhaustion and somehow within about an hour, James and I were sitting by each other talking the night away.   I found myself looking forward to the evenings during the long days at work and wondering if James was thinking about them too.

To be honest, I couldn't really sort out my feelings for him.  I knew that I liked everything I knew about him.  I knew that he followed the Lord. I knew that he was a hard worker.  I knew that we had chemistry.  I just didn't know how to get over the fact that he lived in Kentucky.  How many miles from Clemson was that anyway?

I wasn't ready to allow myself to really like him because I didn't think it would ever work out.

And yet, each night I couldn't wait to talk to him. And each day I spent more and more time thinking and praying about him....

To be continued

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